so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
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