Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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