I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
