They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
