You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
