It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
