Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
