the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
And then he peed in my hair
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