I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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