1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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