nut hugger
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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