therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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