What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
