I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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