i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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