My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
