She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
