We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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