The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
