I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
