i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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