im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
