he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
