Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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