I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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