Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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