I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
