ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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