Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is wine microwaveable?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Randomize
