He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
