he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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