Your mouth is God's brothel.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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