Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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