I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
