Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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