Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize