i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
