When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
