Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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