Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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