why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
