i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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