I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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