thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
