I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
