Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
