how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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