There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
4 words: hood of his car
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
