can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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