who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
