I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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