chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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