just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
