She is in my trunk
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
