They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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