You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
