i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I cockslap morals
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
