They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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