She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
