Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
