Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
