Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
