they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
