Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
