yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
