i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
