I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
