She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
