Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Randomize
