You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize