Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize