3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
