Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
