Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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