Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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