If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
